Friendships during the middle years of childhood are both joyful and complicated — especially in grades 2–5. Students are no longer in the preschool–K–1 phase where friendships are mostly rooted in shared play and proximity (“We like the same blocks — we’re friends!”).

As kids move into upper elementary, friendships begin shaping identity, confidence, and emotional well-being. They’re figuring out who they are socially and how to belong in a world that suddenly feels bigger, more important, and more nuanced. And while that can bring amazing growth, it also introduces new challenges — the kind that can ripple through our classrooms if left unsupported.

As educators, part of our work during these years is helping students navigate friendship shifts with empathy, skill-building, and perspective, so they can move into adolescence with confidence and compassion.

FRIENDSHIP CHALLENGES ARE NORMAL

During these years, children are transitioning from friendships built on play to relationships based on:

Shared interests
Mutual trust and loyalty
Understanding and empathy

With deeper connection comes deeper feeling — which means more opportunities for missteps, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings.

Kids in upper elementary are learning big social-emotional skills simultaneously, including how to:

Communicate clearly
Regulate emotions and impulses
Collaborate and compromise
Share power in relationships
Repair mistakes and move forward

Struggle doesn’t mean “something is wrong.” It means their social world is growing, and they’re stretching right along with it.

See all my Friendship Activities and Resources on TPT

WHAT WE TEND TO SEE IN GRADES 2-5

While every child is unique, these common patterns appear more frequently in upper elementary than in younger grades:

BEST-FRIEND BONDS

Many students crave a “best friend” and may worry something is wrong if they don’t have one. Best-friend loyalty can be intense — and losing that connection can feel huge.

A simple visual that resonates with kids is the Friendship Pie activity. Students divide a circle into “slices” representing the people and activities in their lives, realizing that having a best friend doesn’t mean there’s no room for others. It’s a gentle way to teach that friendships don’t have to be all-or-nothing — and being close to someone doesn’t exclude building new connections.

SHIFTING FRIEND GROUPS

Friendships change more often, influenced by classes, clubs, interests, or lunch tables. Students may need reassurance that shifting relationships are normal — not a personal failure.

One way I help normalize this in the classroom is through an activity called Different Ways Friendships Can Change. Students brainstorm why friendships shift over time — new interests, changing classes, growing up — and discuss how change doesn’t have to mean something “went wrong.” Bringing this conversation into the open helps students see that friendship evolution is natural, not negative.

INCREASED SENSITIVITY

Teasing, exclusion, or even “joking” lands differently now. Students notice more, feel more, and often need support naming and processing those emotions.

SOCIAL COMPARISON

Kids start comparing clothes, abilities, friend groups, birthday parties, even grades. Self-esteem and identity grow more tied to peer dynamics.

LOYALTY TESTS & BIG FEELINGS

Kids may develop strong expectations about loyalty — and big reactions if they feel slighted or replaced. Relationship repair skills become essential.

This is a powerful time to explore what Being The Friend We Want To Have really means. Students identify qualities they value in a friend — kindness, honesty, patience — and then reflect on whether they show those same qualities themselves. It’s a meaningful shift from “They should…” to “I can…”, building accountability and empathy in peer relationships.

When we recognize these behaviors as developmental, we can stay calm, patient, and proactively supportive.

OUR ROLE: GUIDING, NOT CONTROLLING

Students this age don’t need us to solve every friendship moment for them — but they do need:

Language for how to express feelings and needs
Coaching on conflict resolution and perspective-taking
Support understanding boundaries and empathy
Encouragement to build multiple friendships and flexible circles
Gentle reminders that friendships evolve — and that’s okay

Helping students thrive socially doesn’t mean eliminating social bumps — it means walking alongside them as they learn to navigate real-world relationships.

Structured practice goes a long way here. I love using friendship role-play scenarios where students act out common tricky moments and try different ways to respond. It gives them language for big feelings, helps them practice conflict resolution, and opens thoughtful conversations about boundaries, jealousy, and making repair when mistakes happen.

WHY THIS WORK MATTERS

Upper elementary friendships are a training ground for emotional intelligence, collaboration, and belonging. When we validate the experience, teach the tools, and normalize the ups and downs, we give students skills that serve them far beyond our classroom walls.

And that’s the beauty of these years: watching kids learn not just how to make friends — but how to be a friend in a growing, changing world.

NEED MORE FRIENDSHIP ACTIVITIES AND DONE-FOR-YOU RESOURCES FOR TEACHING FRIENDSHIP?

You can manage to do each of these activities with a reflection journal and materials you have around the classroom, but if you want some of the work done for you, you can check out my Friendship theme SEL unit. I use this unit for a 2-3 week morning meeting unit. It includes student journal pages, detailed and editable friendship lesson plans, bulletin board materials with friendship vocabulary and related friendship quotations, and Google Slides for the teacher and a digital student notebook.

This Friendship theme SEL unit is also included in the SEL Morning Meeting MEGA Bundle that contains 16 social- emotional learning themes. If you’re looking to increase your social-emotional learning focus, you’ve come to the right place!

SEL THEMES TO GUIDE YOUR MORNING MEETINGS ALL YEAR

With units focused on gratitude, empathy and compassion, growth mindset, conflict resolution and compromise, grit and perseverance, responsibility, understanding and managing emotions, and so much more, your engaging SEL or morning meeting plans are done for you and your students will love them!

If you purchase the bundle from my personal website store, you can save an additional 20% on the SEL Mega Bundle of all 16 topics with the code SEL20.