Friendships play a big role in the emotional and social development of upper elementary students. While kids this age are forming stronger peer bonds, they’re also starting to face more complex social challenges—like exclusion, peer pressure, or one-sided relationships. That’s why it’s essential to help them recognize the difference between healthy friendships vs unhealthy ones.
When students understand what a healthy friendship looks and feels like, they’re more likely to build positive relationships, set boundaries, and stand up for themselves and others.
WHAT IS A HEALTHY FRIENDSHIP?
A healthy friendship is built on mutual respect, trust, kindness, and support. In a healthy friendship:
Both friends feel safe being themselves
Communication goes both ways—each person listens and speaks up
Mistakes are acknowledged and forgiven
Boundaries are respected
Time spent together feels uplifting and fun
On the other hand, unhealthy friendships may involve:
One person always being in control
Frequent teasing, excluding, or manipulating
Feeling anxious, left out, or hurt often
A lack of empathy or fairness
Disrespecting boundaries or personal space
By learning to identify these patterns early, students become more confident in choosing friendships that make them feel seen, valued, and supported.
You can do any of these suggested friendship activities for students with a reflection journal and materials you have around the classroom, but if you want some of the work done for you, you can check out my full Friendship SEL unit, complete with lesson plans that make it super easy to implement and enjoy!
TEACHING STUDENTS TO SPOT THE DIFFERENCE
Here are some strategies for helping your students understand the contrast between healthy friendships vs unhealthy ones:
1) CREATE A FRIENDSHIP T-CHART
Draw a T-chart labeled “Healthy” and “Unhealthy.” Have students brainstorm behaviors, words, and feelings that fit into each category. This is a great anchor activity to revisit throughout the year.
2) USE FRIENDSHIP SCENARIOS TO SPARK DISCUSSION
Present real-life friendship situations (like someone pressuring a friend to keep secrets or someone celebrating their friend’s success). Ask: “Is this a healthy or unhealthy friendship? Why?” This encourages critical thinking and empathy.
🌟In my Friendship SEL Unit, I challenge students to discuss relatable friendship scenarios and sort them into two categories, healthy friendships and unhealthy friendships.
3) REFLECT ON PERSONAL EXPERIENCES
Invite students to journal or talk about times when they felt good in a friendship—and times they didn’t. This helps them connect the abstract idea of what is a healthy friendship to their real lives.
🌟In my Friendship SEL Unit, I love to use friendship quotes for students to reflect on and journal about to help them personally connect to the big idea of friendship.
4) IDENTIFY WARNING SIGNS IN FRIENDSHIPS
Help students build awareness of healthy friendships vs unhealthy ones by teaching them to spot “red flags” and “green flags.”
🌟During my Friendship SEL Unit, I show students the video, 6 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friend Group, and then have them complete a journal activity where they code examples of positive and problematic friendship behaviors.
5) TEACH ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS
Sometimes kids don’t realize they can speak up when a friendship doesn’t feel right. Help them practice assertive phrases like, “I don’t like when you do that,” or “I need some space today.”
🌟So many students struggle to communicate their needs clearly without sounding aggressive or shutting down completely. Teaching assertiveness gives them the tools to protect their boundaries while still being kind. I dive deeper into why this matters (and how to teach it!) in this post: Teaching Assertiveness Skills to Upper Elementary Students: Why It Matters and How to Do It
6) REINFORCE POSITIVE PEER QUALITIES
Celebrate kindness, inclusivity, and support in your classroom. Point out examples of healthy friendships in action when you see them.
🌟 A great way to deepen this learning is through activities that help students reflect on what they value in a friend—and then turn the lens inward. If we want healthy friendships, we also have to do the work to be a good friend ourselves. One activity I love in my Friendship SEL Unit encourages students to identify the traits they admire in others and assess how well they show those same traits in their own friendships.
7) OFFER ADVICE FROM A FRIEND’S PERSPECTIVE
Support students in thinking critically about what is a healthy friendship by letting them practice giving advice to others navigating friendship challenges.
🌟During my Friendship SEL Unit, I show students a sample “Dear Ally” letter about a tough friendship situation. Then, students share their ideas as a class and pretend they are journalists responding to readers who have written in for friendship advice.
WHY IT MATTERS
Understanding what is a healthy friendship doesn’t just help students feel better socially—it supports their academic success and emotional well-being too. When students feel secure in their relationships, they’re more likely to participate, take risks, and show up as their best selves.
By giving kids the language, tools, and confidence to recognize the differences between healthy friendships vs unhealthy, we’re not just helping them navigate playground drama—we’re equipping them for lifelong relationship skills.
If you’re looking for more ways to keep building friendship skills with your students, here are some other resources you may be interested in:
- How to Help Students Navigate Friendship Challenges with Relatable Friendship Scenarios gives you ready-made scenarios students can talk through to practice handling the tricky moments friendships throw at them.
- Teaching Friendship Skills in Grades 2-5: What Upper Elementary Teachers Should Know (SEL Strategies & Activities) covers what upper elementary teachers need to know about teaching friendship skills, with SEL strategies and activities to weave into your classroom.
- How To Be A Good Friend: Lessons and Activities for Teaching About Friendship breaks down what being a good friend looks like in practice, with lessons and activities you can use right away.
- Complete Friendship SEL Unit for upper elementary—this unit includes all of the activities you see in this post, editable lesson plans, suggested read alouds, student notebooks, and a bulletin board to help your unit make a lasting impression!
NEED A DONE-FOR-YOU FRIENDSHIP UNIT?
The Friendship SEL-Morning Meeting unit is a 20 day unit for upper elementary. It includes
20 Days of Printable & Editable Lesson Plans — includes suggested read alouds, discussion questions, friendship activities, extension ideas, and linked online resources
Student Journals & Activities — friendship-related discussion prompts, self-reflection and goal setting exercises, and social emotional learning worksheets to deepen students’ understanding of friendship, with activities like How to Be A Good Friend, Role-play with Friendship Scenarios Cards, Seasons of Friendship, Healthy vs Unhealthy Friendship Scenario Sort, and more!
Friendship Bulletin Board that includes important vocabulary like friendship, acquaintance, forgiveness, inclusion, selflessness, and loyalty and inspirational quotations for a visual reminder of your friendship skills lessons
Google Slides — Teacher and student versions to implement this unit digitally or use as visual prompts and discussion starters on your interactive whiteboard
